Self Destruction

I don't quite believe in Luck or Jinxes. I'm not sure exactly where I stand on those 2 things. I believe that you make your own luck. If you are a good person, good comes to you. If you are bad, that's exactly what you get in return. But I do believe you can ruin your happiness, which is what seems to be happening to me now. Everything is the same as it was 3 weeks ago when I was perfectly happy and content. But now all of a sudden my mind is a hurricane of thoughts and emotions and its ruining my happiness. And the crazy part is I don't know how or why. I can't quite pin point the thing that is making me so miserable. I just am. I need to learn how to allow myself to be happy with out self destructing.

I need to realize that I am fully deserving& capable of happiness.

I'm BACK!!! =)

I haven't written in here in a VERY long time and I think it's about time I start again.

My life is at a COMPLETELY different place from this time last year & I am FOREVER grateful for that. It is WONDERFUL how different my life has turned out to be.

I'm starting a new job in a few days, I'm back in school but with a different major& school, I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend, my family is great.

Everything is wonderful.

I am so happy.

Alone

I'm lonely. :-(





I miss you more then anything Padrino. I need you more then ever. I wish you were here. I wish the Lord never took you. I wish I could hear your loud laugh. I wish I could see your toothless smile. I wish I could hear you tell a joke. I wish I could simply hear you say Bendicion. I wish I would hear you say I love you. I wish I could give you just 1 more hug or just 1 more kiss. I just wish you were still here.

R.I.P Antonio Camacho Jr.
November 9, 1955- April 19, 2009

Te Extrano Padrino!

Hip-Hop

I just had a long discussion with my baby bro about music. My bro swears he is a hip-hop head & wishes to become a music producer. He already makes beats that are pretty decent & aren't that bad. But yea we had a very long discussion. He swears that New York hip hop is not dead because we have Mims & Ron Brows. I beg to differ. I believe that hopefully with this Jada album he can put New York back on the map, because these other people ain't quite doing it at least not for me. He began playing me all of these "hot" songs. And in my opinion EVERY single one he played was pretty damn wack. Don't get me wrong the songs aren't THAT bad and are catchy and before long you find yourself singing them. However it doesn't quite make my heart tingle the way music is supposed to. Doesn't quite reach my soul. I'm tired of hearing "she backed it on me" and all other forms of that saying. I'm tired of hearing "she knows how to make it clap". I honestly don't care who can make it clap or how well a girl backs it up (of course that is a sight to see especially if shortii got ass however I don't think every song should reference such a sight no matter how delicious it is. lmao). So as I said most of the hip-hop out now just doesn't do it for me. Music is supposed to be felt in your heart and soul & this shit that is out now is more like damaging my soul. Hip-hop needs to get back to what it was. Oh during this conversation between me and him he tried to compare Jada & Brows without actually coming out and saying he was comparing them (does that make sense? hmm). Ok well I must say that those 2 CANNOT be compared EVER! Jada is a political rapper whereas Brows is not. Jada actually sends a message when he raps. He spits straight FIRE! Brows talks about "jumping out the window". Ummm yea no comparison. I tried to school this boy on what hip-hop was and should be. People need to stop listening to this garbage that is "hot" now and listen to Common, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, Nas, The Fugees, Mobb Deep, the cats from back in the day. They actually said something when they rapped. It wasn't all about sex and drugs and bullshit. It was about real shit. About shit that mattered. I'm tired of these bullshit sex songs. Leave that to the R&B singers.

New York hip-hop needs some resuscitation.

YAY!!!

6 days till I leave to Florida!!! YAY!!! Cannot Wait!!!

Finally Have Realized....

If you really love something set it free,
If it comes back it's yours,
If it doesn't it was never meant to be.

I have heard that phrase so many times before. Everyone says it, but I have never truly understood it, until recently. I have finally grasped the meaning behind those words. A year ago, I set you free. I let you go, didn't bother you, gave you your space. Allowed you to do you and get yourself together. And you have come back to me. You found me and befriended me again on your own terms, on your own time. And because of that I know that it is true. I love you. I always have I always will. I will never forget the day we met so long ago in 2001. I will never forget the text messages we sent back and forth proclaiming our love for one another. I will never forget losing you and then finding you again. I will never forget those beautiful months we shared. The laughs, the smiles, the kisses, the hugs, the fights, the apologies, the love we shared. And then once again you left. You needed time to gather yourself. But now you are back. And now I realize the meaning behind that saying. Now I know that we are meant to be. We are supposed to be. And now I will fight with every last breathe and every last nerve in my body to make sure we work. I love you with my entire heart and soul. I will be your wife & You will be my husband.

I Love You Boo Bear!

HaHaHa

Bitches make me laugh! lmao.